Patrick
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Posts by Patrick
This Feels Wrong
Aug 11th
Watching television this morning, I saw the trailer for this new movie that looks to be the generic romantic comedy (minus Hugh Grant) of the weekend. Going the Distance was the movie and its stars Drew Barrymore, Justin Long, and Charlie???
Since I’ve watched every episode of Always Sunny in Philadelphia two or three thousand times, seeing Charlie in a Rom Com this felt similar to how I imagine meeting your mom’s new boyfriend would feel. So I looked into this phenomenon and found more disturbing images of the gang:
Sweet Dee was in Weather Girl
Dennis was a Doctor in Crank
And my favorite is Mac. I know he was in Lost but I found these 2 other more important roles
also Mac’s work in the four loko commercial (he’s the one in red)
Man’s guide to shopping at Urban Outfitters
Jul 30th
1. Don’t be tricked by the commercialized indie feel that washes over you when you enter, this is excessive A/C.
2. You’ll probably be greeted by a hipster who looks as if she would play opposite Michael Cera in an awkward overly contemporary indie movie dripping with coming of age love failure.
Fucking Hipsters with their god damn PBR
3. Ignore the sunglasses on the racks, these can be purchased else where for 90% less.
4.Spend sometime looking at the coffee table books. Don’t commit to one of these books, things white people like and pictures of Banksy art are readily available on the internet, you don’t need a book.
5. Reminisce: spend some time looking at the tee shirts that have pictures on them. Whether it’s Alf, Where the Wild Things Are, or Ninja Turtles, in some way Urban has attempted to destroy your memories of youth.
6.Pearl Snaps…. just leave these alone, they don’t work for you.
7.Check out the BDG shirts. These t shirts are great, but they shrink like a bitch and the sizes are overstated to make you feel bigger than you are. This should help:
8. On your way out be sure to pick up 10-12 pairs of Haviana sandals
Attempt at Viral Marketing?
Jul 23rd
With the new direct TV commercial, one would thing that Old Spice man, Isaiah Mustafa, has inspired more monologue driven, obscure Viral Marketing attempts. Perhaps just a complement or maybe a mockery (Direct TV is good at this), either way there is no denying the resemblance.
Worth the $8.50
Jul 18th
If you happen to come across a small fortune or sub lease a home for a short time you might be able to afford a Movie ticket. If this is the case, here’s some NPNR approved films to see in theater.
Inception 9.5/10
As Tracy Jordan would say, ” I love this movie so much I wanna take it behind the Middle School and get it pregnant.” Nolan gives us the 2010 summer blockbuster with great action, an intriguing plot, grade A casting, and an artfully lucid element that leaves us wanting more (even after two and a half hours). A big movie that still retains a love of film making and challenges what can be done in an action sequence. At the end of the last decade, we got the matrix and now we have inception.
Winter’s Bone 8/10
This beautifully dull film about a backwoods family with a hierarchy that ends at a 16 year old girl inspires quiet a bit of pity. Feelings of isolation and vulnerability make this a film well worth the $8.50. If you can find an art theatre playing it, that is.
Toy Story 3 (8.5/10)
Like this needs to be said. I’d argue those of us who grew up linear to the progression of TS1 TS2 and TS3 could be called Generation Toystory. Appropriate ages 3-103
Twilight but no twinkle
Jul 15th
Never again will I see a vampire movie where the vampires sparkle in sunshine.
It’s great for a genre to be tested, tweaked, or tuned up in order to challenge norms and bring the audience something new. This is what Twilight attempts to do. In many ways I want to like the basic story. I mean isn’t it every guys dream to be 105 and dating sixteen year olds? …But, vampires that sparkle, rather than incinerate when in day light, just seems like a cop out. I understand I can’t dog on the film making by attacking the book series, but this bothers me. A vampire love story written for middle school girls with middle school dialog… Where could this go wrong?
With millions of Twilight series books sold, the immense fan base is clearly dedicated and deserving of a grade A, complimenting film. This is not what they received with Twilight Eclipse. Too many times the film had face-palm moments. Moments when, as an adult male sitting in a theatre of tweens and house wives (embarrassing enough), I had to bury my face in my hand. Some of these moments included dialog like “I am Switzerland” or great acting moments from Taylor Lautner. Other moments were during action sequences that would have been more realistic as claymation. In other words, everything that justifies seeing a shitty summer movie is missing. The scene with the most potential (a ten year old vampire being executed on a whim without anyone to dramatically save her) was cut out by a camera pan : ( . All I’m left with at the end of this film is embarrassment and a strange desire for my own Edward .
Boom Pong
Jul 15th
Tired of beer pong? Tired of things not blowing up? Live in Missouri? Take advantage of cheap fireworks at discount tents and try this out.
Rules are simple. Fill cup up with water (about 1/2 inch) then toss firecrackers at your opponents cups. Any cup knocked off by the explosion is removed. Better explained with pictures…
3 d’s to checkout on netflix instant this week
Jul 14th
Dear Zachary- This documentary was created prematurely and ages with ignorance to upcoming events as this real life tragedy unfolds very close to the film maker. You probably will cry. So….. close all the windows, doors, and webcams and put on Dear Zachary. 9/10
Dirty Harry- After crying over the ^^^Documentary^^^ you just watched, regain your manhood but re watching this classic. The most bad ass man on the earth (Mr. Eastwood) reminds us he has been since ’71. No telling how long this classic will be an instant so be sure and check it out. 7.5/10
Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood- I guess you could call this a classic now as well. Just a great satire with class and wit. 7/10
3 c’s to watch on Netflix instant this week
Jul 7th
C.R.A.Z.Y- This French/Canadian gem tells a uniquely familiar story of a family’s coming to age and understanding. Numerous sub plots support the explosive relationship between a father and his half way out of the closet son. 9/10
Cashback- Brilliant editing and cinematography make Cashback an interesting look into the world of an insomniac. The cover alone gives one many reasons to watch this film. 7/10
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs- Check this out for a simple and easy 2 hours of clean humor. A film that you wont seem like a dick if you ask,”have you read the book?” WARNING. eat before watching 6/10
I liked ‘Signs’, ‘The Village’ was okay, and ‘The Sixth Sense’ was great.
Jul 6th
That being said….
It all went south with ‘Unbreakable’. You have this premise (a good one) and an audience of comic book fans, Bruce Willis fans, fans who liked the “I see dead people” movie, and people who enjoy a twist. What goes wrong is a movie (‘Unbreakable’) with weak performances, weak structure, and weak execution all hinged on a weak twist. ’Unbreakable’ wasn’t terrible but it shows how dreary half-assed direction can’t be justified by a nifty ending. Then came ‘Signs’ which had great performances, a great plot, and efficient casting….so it seemed. The first time through, ‘Signs’ had it all, but after seeing ‘The Happening’ and realizing that Mel Gibson is a self righteous prick, the film hasn’t been the same. Having enjoyed signs, I paid the $8.50 to see ‘The Village’ which was another mediocre film. The cast in this film was perfect and the photography was beautiful, but the film lacked a back bone.
Because of fresh ideas and brave writing, I remained a fan of Shyamalan’s movies through this string of mediocracy and was excited to be blown away by ‘Lady in the Water’. This was the worst movie I had ever seen. So badly, I wanted this to be a good film, but too many times I was embarrassed for Shyamalan and his cheesy attempt at God knows what. I wasn’t sure if I was watching a contemporary fairy tale or a school play written by a 3rd grader who felt witty using symbolism. Either way, at the most dramatic point in the film, I had to leave and laugh my ass off in the lobby of the theater.
For some reason I went to ‘The Happening’. This movie is the reason I am not going to ‘The Last Airbender’. Mark Wahlberg succeeds in two roles, one is when he is continuously yelling (‘The Departed’, ‘Four Brothers’), two is when he is an idiot (‘I Heart Huckabees’, ‘Boogie Nights’). When Mark Wahlberg does not succeed is when he plays a generic, peaceful, science teacher in an apocalyptic environment. You can’t blame his performance for the disaster ‘The Happening’, but I had trouble watching him without laughing. The movie immediately became the worst I had ever seen, making ‘The Lady in the Water’ #2 on that list. But at least there was death in a Shyamalan movie, right?
When you boil it down you have a decent writer, with good ideas, and passion for his projects. Beyond that, his films lack enough direction to stand alone without a gimmick to prop them up. ‘The Last Airbender’ will have to rely on stunning 3D and visual effects to be successful. Other than these elements I know the film will have no chance of escaping the shadow cast by the dead people movie he wrote last century.
